Letting Go and Moving Forward
- normalpc8
- Jan 14
- 8 min read
As we step into a new year, I find myself reflecting on how much emotional baggage many of us carry without even realizing it. Over time, disappointments, hurts, and regrets quietly pile up. Before we know it, we’re moving through life weighed down by experiences from the past, wondering why things feel heavier than they should. This weight often shows up as emotional pain—but it isn’t only something we remember; It’s something we hold, in our bodies. Emotional wounds, unresolved experiences, and unspoken grief can settle into the nervous system, shaping how we respond to stress, relationships, and even ordinary moments.
We were not meant to carry this weight forever. It begins with a gentle intention to no longer hold the heavy baggage of hurt and disappointment.
What looks like “holding on” is often the body’s way of trying to stay safe. During painful or overwhelming experiences, the nervous system learns to remain alert in order to survive. These responses happen automatically, often on a subconscious level, which is why we may not even realize what we’re carrying.
What looks like ‘holding on’ is often the body’s way of trying to stay safe...”
While the mind may move on, the body often continues to respond as if the pain is still happening and when that pain becomes too much we disconnect from our bodies by numbing, ignoring, or minimizing without recognizing the deeper story they’re trying to tell. Many people tell themselves they should be “over it” after all of this time, but true letting go happens slowly, through safety, choice, and regulation. Healing unfolds when the nervous system begins to experience that it is no longer under threat. Feeling safe is the key for healing. Somatic (body) healing focuses on restoring a sense of safety and connection from the inside out—helping people gently reconnect with themselves, notice what they’re holding, and release what no longer needs to be carried. From a somatic perspective, healing means developing the ability to stay present with experience without becoming flooded or shutting down. It is about expanding capacity, not eliminating pain.
Try these somatic ways of letting go:
· Notice - any tightness, heaviness, warmth, or numbness without trying to change it. This helps the nervous system feel seen rather than overwhelmed.
· Grounding - Feel your feet on the floor, noticing your breath, or orienting to the room remind the body that the threat has passed.
· Allow small releases. Letting go often happens through a sigh, a yawn, a softening of the shoulders, or a moment of emotional release.
· Respect your body’s pace. Healing happens when the body feels safe enough to release on its own.
· Rebuild a sense of choice. Setting a timer for 15 minutes during which you process memories or experiences is helpful because it offers containment and agency. I suggest using the 15 minute method in the same place at the same time for a certain period of time.
Short Daily Somatic Routines (5–10 Minutes)
These exercises are simple ways to help your nervous system feel safe and supported. You can do them anywhere—morning, evening, or even during a stressful moment.
· Grounding (1–2 minutes) Sit or stand with your feet flat on the floor. Notice where your feet touch the ground. Feel the weight of your body supported.
· Take a few slow breaths, imagining roots gently growing from your feet into the earth. Think of it like reconnecting to solid ground after walking on a shaky bridge.
2. Shoulder and Jaw Release (1–2 minutes)
· Take a deep breath in, and as you exhale, let your shoulders drop and your jaw soften. Do this a few times, noticing the difference in your body with each breath.Imagine setting down a heavy backpack you’ve been carrying all day.
3. Hand-to-Heart Check-In (1–2 minutes)
· Place one or both hands over your chest or heart. Feel warmth and weight from your hands. Breathe into that space.
· You can silently say: “It’s safe to feel.”, give your own heart a gentle hug.
4. Orienting to the Environment (1–2 minutes)
· Slowly look around and name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear. This helps your nervous system remember you’re in the present, not a past threat. It’s like stepping back into a calm room after being stuck in a storm.
Self-forgiveness can be especially challenging. Many carry deep shame, self-blame, or beliefs that they “should have known better.” These responses are survival-based, not character flaws. Forgiving oneself for the hurt caused to oneself and others allows growth, and creates space for understanding.
Practices that support self-forgiveness include:
· Understanding survival responses. Freezing, pleasing, dissociating, or staying in unsafe situations are nervous system responses to not feeling safe.
· Separating intention from outcome. The choices you made because you were scared, unsafe or had limited options helped you survive. Thank these choices and send them on their way.
· Offering compassion to the body. Placing a hand on the heart or chest while acknowledging pain can help counteract shame with care.
· Allowing grief without self-judgment. Grieving what was lost or what could not be changed is part of forgiving oneself.
· Releasing the need for self-punishment. Growth occurs through safety, not shame.
Self-Forgiveness Exercises
Carrying guilt or self-blame can keep the nervous system in “high alert.” Here are ways to practice forgiving yourself:
1. Acknowledge Without Judgment - Write down a mistake or moment you regret.
Next to it, write: “I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.”
2. Speak to Yourself as a Friend - When a critical thought arises, imagine talking to a close friend in that situation. Replace “I failed” with “I was doing my best under difficult circumstances.”
3. Body Check-In - Notice where guilt or shame lives in your body. Tight shoulders? Heavy chest? Place a hand there, breathe, and imagine giving that part of yourself care and compassion.
4. Small Amends (if possible) if a past action can be repaired safely, take a step toward making it right. Sometimes even an internal acknowledgment—saying, “I recognize my mistake and I am learning”—can help release the weight.
Forgiveness of others is never required or rushed. It is not a moral obligation—it is a personal choice that may or may not be part of your healing path. For some, letting go means reducing the emotional charge of past harm rather than offering forgiveness in a traditional sense.
This may involve:
· Releasing the body’s stored vigilance toward someone who is no longer present
· Letting go of the hope that the person will take responsibility
· Creating internal distance from painful memories without erasing them
Letting go and forgiving—both yourself and others—starts with small, intentional steps. Below are some gentle, practical ways to begin.
Forgiving Others Exercises
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean excusing their actions or reopening yourself to harm. It’s about reclaiming your energy and peace.
Set Boundaries First - Forgiveness doesn’t require contact. Decide what’s safe for you.
1. Externalize the Pain by writing a letter to the person you’re forgiving, but don’t send it. Express your hurt, frustration, and disappointment. Then write: “I choose to let this go for my own peace.” “This will not define who I am or where I’m going.”
2. Body Awareness - Notice tension in the body when thinking about the person.
3. Take a slow breath and imagine exhaling some of that tension. Imagine opening a window in a stuffy room—letting stale air out so you can breathe.
4. Focus on Release, Not Forgetting - Forgiveness is about releasing emotional grip, not erasing memory. Remind yourself: “Letting go doesn’t mean it’s okay. It means it’s no longer mine to carry.”
Somatic & Forgiveness Exercises Day by Day
Day 1: Grounding & Body Awareness
Goal: Begin noticing where tension and weight are held in the body.Steps:
1. Sit or stand comfortably, feet flat on the floor.
2. Take 3 slow breaths, noticing the points of contact your body has with the ground.
3. Scan from head to toe. Notice tightness, heaviness, or discomfort without judgment.
4. Place one hand on a tense area and breathe into it for 3–5 breaths.Be curious, gentle, and kind.
Day 2: Shoulder & Jaw Release + Small Exhalations
Goal: Release stored tension and invite nervous system relaxation.Steps:
1. Sit or stand. Take a deep inhale. As you exhale, let shoulders drop and jaw soften.
2. Repeat 3–5 times, noticing the difference with each release.
3. Add a deep sigh (noises and all). Imagine setting down a backpack you didn’t realize you were carrying.
Day 3: Hand-to-Heart for Emotional Safety
Goal: Start cultivating self-compassion and a sense of inner safety.Steps:
1. Place one or both hands over your chest.
2. Breathe slowly and feel warmth or gentle pressure from your hands.
3. Silently say to yourself: “It’s safe to feel. I am safe now.”
4. Notice any tension softening in the chest or shoulders. Imagine giving your own heart a comforting hug.
Day 4: Self-Forgiveness Check-In
Goal: Begin forgiving yourself for past mistakes and self-blame.Steps:
1. Write down one small or big thing you regret.
2. Next to it, write: “I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.”
3. Place a hand over your heart while reading it aloud or silently.
4. Take a few deep breaths and notice how your body responds.Forgiveness releases ongoing self-punishment.
Forgiving Others (from a safe distance)
Goal: Begin releasing emotional grip from others who have hurt you.Steps:
1. Write a short letter to the person, expressing your feelings. You don’t have to send it.
2. Acknowledge your hurt: “I was hurt when this happened.”
3. Add: “I choose to release this for my own peace.”
4. Place a hand on your chest or shoulders, breathe deeply, and imagine exhaling tension. Forgiveness is about your peace, not condoning their actions.
Day 6: Orienting & Present Moment Awareness
Goal: Strengthen your connection to the present moment and safety in your body.Steps:
1. Slowly look around the room. Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear.
2. Notice how your body responds—does tension soften? Does breathing deepen?
3. Take a few grounding breaths and imagine roots growing from your feet into the earth. Think of it as stepping back into a calm room after being stuck in a storm.
Day 7: Integration & Reflection
Goal: Combine somatic awareness, self-forgiveness, and forgiving others into one practice.Steps:
1. Start with 2–3 minutes of grounding through your feet. Stand tall and gently push your feet into the ground. Drop shoulders, soften jaw, and take 3 slow exhalations.
2. Place hands on your heart and say: “I am learning to let go. I am learning to forgive myself and others.”
3. Reflect on the week any notice any shifts—physical, emotional, or mental. Check your backpack - have you removed some stones, has the weight shifted or lightened?
4. Have a seat and write a few lines about what feels lighter or safer now.
Suggestions:
· Practice at a consistent time of day that feels safe and uninterrupted.
· Allow yourself to skip or shorten a step if it feels overwhelming.
Always remember and don’t ever forget:
1. Forgiveness, is often a byproduct of healing—not a prerequisite for it.
2. Healing is not linear. Old sensations or emotions are not setbacks—they are signs that the nervous system is learning how to process and integrate what was once overwhelming.
3. Choosing not to carry the heavy baggage of hurt and disappointment is about deciding that the past is not your destiny and it no longer gets lead the way. You’re doing this work to have more room to breathe, and to move forward with clarity.
4. Healing is not linear. Some days feel lighter, others heavier.
5. You don’t need to be “fixed.” You just need to give your body and mind the space to feel safe again—and let go, one gentle step at a time.
Let go of the past one stone at a time, forgive where you can, and reclaim the freedom to choose your life. Every small release is a step toward breathing easier, feeling grounded, and moving forward with clarity.